What to do and what not to do when consoling someone on the internet?

This is not intended to provide professional advice, this is based on my personal experience and thoughts for which I hope you'll take inspiration from.

There are times on social media including Twitter, Youtube, Instagram,  Facebook or even Miitomo (back in the day) when I see people posting something about when they're dealing with difficult times such as a lost of a loved one or during a mass shooting incident. Not to be picky but while I do often see comments that are thoughtful and inspiring (especially if they help out the person), I sometimes notice some low effort  comments like "sorry" or just leave a sad emoji and I can't help to think that they could have put in more effort.

I may not be the best communicator with me on the spectrum but I have empathy and want to help or reassure the person to be at their very best while experiencing a difficult time. Not to brag but there are times when I've helped out the recipient by coming up with a really good comment (with them commenting and/or liking that comment), giving them condolences and the positivity they need.

There was also a real life example when I did my work placement at Raby Hall Farm, meeting this guy who I sometimes talked to. Fast forward at this autistic party event, I happened to meet him again and he told me that I have helped him a lot when he was going through a rough time. I can't remember what I've exactly said back then but I was really glad that I was able to help someone with my positivity and kindness, something that the world needs.

And that's why I strive myself to help others to be at their very best during their worst including online, trying my best to come up with a comment that could help to console them. Anyone can show empathy and help out others too online. Below is a guidance on the best way of consoling someone online like for example when their loved one have passed away with each kind of comments that you may see:

Comment 1: 😭/😞

- While I do like to use emojis (but I don't need to see the Emoji movie), using emojis alone is not appropriate for otherwise serious posts which is lazy and low effort. Words are more meaningful.

Comment 2: Get over it/Snap of out it

- Not only it doesn't show effort, it doesn't show any sympathy with its snappy toning which won't help them out at all.

Comment 3: Sorry!/ Feel sorry for you/Thoughts goes to everyone

- To some extent, it does show some sympathy but it's not very thoughtful and could have more effort

Comment 3: I'm sorry to hear about your lost. Take yourself time to heal. They maybe gone but as long as they remain in your heart and memories, they'll never be truly gone. Live your life to the fullest and they'll be proud of you.

- The best kind of comment which not only show a lot of thought, effort and sympathy but it shows that you have read their post (just like listening to a person face to face) and you are willing to help them out.

And here are some tips on how to come up with good comments:

• Read the person's post (or listen to their content if they happen to post a video on Youtube about it) and give yourself time to come up with something appropriate yet sincere. Again, it's like listening to the person's conversation and showing that you've been listening. 

• You can get inspiration from positive quotes, adapting your comment based on the appropriate quote but don't directly copy it (though quoting it along side your own comment could help).

• Be humble and don't take it personally if they don't show appreciation (by liking or replying your comment). Give the benefit of the doubt that the person have read your comment and does feel appreciated without showing unless otherwise. 

• It doesn't have to be long like an essay as long as you have put some effort in and it helps them out. 

So I hope this will have help you out to show your condolences and kindness for whenever someone is going through a rough time. You could be the one who is the light for their darkest moments. To round off this article, here's a quote from Youtuber Connor Franta from his book Note to Self which have inspired me a lot:

“It will be okay. It will always be okay. I just needed the kindness of a stranger to remind me of that. We have enough badness in the real world adding to the virtual world, and we need to remember that we’re capable of projecting goodness. We need to spread love, kindness and empathy. No strings attached, no ifs and, or buts.”