What to do and what not to do when consoling someone on the internet?

This is not intended to provide professional advice, this is based on my personal experience and thoughts for which I hope you'll take inspiration from.

There are times on social media including Twitter, Youtube, Instagram,  Facebook or even Miitomo (back in the day) when I see people posting something about when they're dealing with difficult times such as a lost of a loved one or during a mass shooting incident. Not to be picky but while I do often see comments that are thoughtful and inspiring (especially if they help out the person), I sometimes notice some low effort  comments like "sorry" or just leave a sad emoji and I can't help to think that they could have put in more effort.

I may not be the best communicator with me on the spectrum but I have empathy and want to help or reassure the person to be at their very best while experiencing a difficult time. Not to brag but there are times when I've helped out the recipient by coming up with a really good comment (with them commenting and/or liking that comment), giving them condolences and the positivity they need.

There was also a real life example when I did my work placement at Raby Hall Farm, meeting this guy who I sometimes talked to. Fast forward at this autistic party event, I happened to meet him again and he told me that I have helped him a lot when he was going through a rough time. I can't remember what I've exactly said back then but I was really glad that I was able to help someone with my positivity and kindness, something that the world needs.

And that's why I strive myself to help others to be at their very best during their worst including online, trying my best to come up with a comment that could help to console them. Anyone can show empathy and help out others too online. Below is a guidance on the best way of consoling someone online like for example when their loved one have passed away with each kind of comments that you may see:

Comment 1: 😭/😞

- While I do like to use emojis (but I don't need to see the Emoji movie), using emojis alone is not appropriate for otherwise serious posts which is lazy and low effort. Words are more meaningful.

Comment 2: Get over it/Snap of out it

- Not only it doesn't show effort, it doesn't show any sympathy with its snappy toning which won't help them out at all.

Comment 3: Sorry!/ Feel sorry for you/Thoughts goes to everyone

- To some extent, it does show some sympathy but it's not very thoughtful and could have more effort

Comment 3: I'm sorry to hear about your lost. Take yourself time to heal. They maybe gone but as long as they remain in your heart and memories, they'll never be truly gone. Live your life to the fullest and they'll be proud of you.

- The best kind of comment which not only show a lot of thought, effort and sympathy but it shows that you have read their post (just like listening to a person face to face) and you are willing to help them out.

And here are some tips on how to come up with good comments:

• Read the person's post (or listen to their content if they happen to post a video on Youtube about it) and give yourself time to come up with something appropriate yet sincere. Again, it's like listening to the person's conversation and showing that you've been listening. 

• You can get inspiration from positive quotes, adapting your comment based on the appropriate quote but don't directly copy it (though quoting it along side your own comment could help).

• Be humble and don't take it personally if they don't show appreciation (by liking or replying your comment). Give the benefit of the doubt that the person have read your comment and does feel appreciated without showing unless otherwise. 

• It doesn't have to be long like an essay as long as you have put some effort in and it helps them out. 

So I hope this will have help you out to show your condolences and kindness for whenever someone is going through a rough time. You could be the one who is the light for their darkest moments. To round off this article, here's a quote from Youtuber Connor Franta from his book Note to Self which have inspired me a lot:

“It will be okay. It will always be okay. I just needed the kindness of a stranger to remind me of that. We have enough badness in the real world adding to the virtual world, and we need to remember that we’re capable of projecting goodness. We need to spread love, kindness and empathy. No strings attached, no ifs and, or buts.”

So how I am handling the news about Pokemon Sword and Shield National Dex removal and the Toxic Fandom (and what have helped me)?

This is my therapeutic story regarding to the removal of the National Dex (otherwise known as Dexit) in the upcoming Pokemon Sword and Shield and the fandom reaction and what have helped me in my honest and raw thoughts and feelings, for which I hope it’ll help you out too.

As you may already know about Pokemon Sword and Shield, the directors of Game Freak have made a difficult decision of only allowing Pokemon to be transferred from the past generation Pokemon games via Pokemon Home to Pokemon Sword and Shield that are only available on the Galar region dex (as well as removing Mega Evolutions and Z-Moves).

This is due to the timing contrasts involving adding the models for every Pokemon along with new animation which happens to clash in with the release of the merch that depends on the release of the games including anime and cards (and delaying the game isn't possible because of that reason). I understand the majority of the fandom’s disappointments with them not being able to use their missing Pokemon that could be their favourite or used a lot of their competitive battling (among other reasons) in Sword and Shield. Even Game Freak themselves did not planned this and they weren’t very happy with the decision either.

I've made this meme during the Bring Back National Dex trend
as a lighthearted joke while still being constructive. 

Whilst I’m the kind of player who breed and raised Pokemon for ‘competitive battling’, I am trying my best to handle this decision well, being  rationalized and not letting it get in the way of my excitement of playing Pokemon Sword and Shield, looking forward to what will have to offer. Whilst I would like the National Dex Pokemon to be added in the long run, I do understand the reasoning, accepting and respecting their decision above. I guess it shows that working in a game company can be complicated at times for various reasons and they cannot have our way all the time. They are human at the end of the day who are trying their best.

However, the real problem for me is the toxic fandom on how this has divided the fandom. Whilst there are some fans who are constructive and respectful, there are others who are not so constructive and have been causing all sorts of drama on social media (especially with the internet making these opinions loud and clear, for better or worst) including abusing and harassing the directors and those who are defending and supporting Sword and Shield (e.g. down voting those kind of comments on Reddit just because they have a different opinion – this is why I don’t really go on Reddit with few exceptions with me not wanting to be involved with the wrong crowd) and spreading misinformation (as well as some ‘defenders’ flaming those who don’t agree with the decision though I do not have as much experience with that) .

I know I have made this meme before but I've thought about
it and couldn't resist.

Then there’s this Bring back National Dex on Twitter which from what I can gather was at first reasonable but it then got out of hand, even to the point when it became controversial (but I won’t go there).

I’ve always been cautious of the Pokemon fandom yet it pains me on how this divides the fandom with this news taking this to the next level. It brings me back to when the Mcfly fandom were like this during the McBusted days just because they wanted Mcfly album 6 and taking their hate on McBusted (especially to James Bourne who had it bad), causing again all kinds of drama and misblaming.

I myself got involved, witnessing their hate comments and negativity while defending McBusted, going through ‘depression’ and getting in the way of my enjoyment because of it. I guess with me having autism, I can get overwhelmed and burnt out with this kind of negativity. With this drama and negativity involving Pokemon Sword and Shield, I get to re-experience this pain and stress. I don’t want to be hurt again.  

I’ve been trying not to get myself involved with the fandom for the sake of my own mental health with very few exceptions which includes my friends and two web creators who are fans of Pokemon and have a rationalized opinion on the National Dex removal including Serebii Net creator Joe Merrick (who have said that he doesn’t agree with the decision yet is being calm about it, reminding us to be polite) and Youtuber Micheal Groth (aka MandJYV), the former who have the most knowledge on the gaming industry even if you don’t agree with him and the latter have made a constructive video about if Sword and Shield will be good or bad regrading to Dexit which you can check out here:

However, there is something that have been helping me with the fandom controversy and that is by this episode from one of Cartoon Network’s best loved shows Steven Universe (which you should see yourself). The episode in question is Beach City Drift which was about Steven and Connie as their fusion Stevonnie getting involved in a race against Kevin who Steven hates. The episode comes with some very good messages about spending your time and energy hating someone will allow them to waste your life without doing anything and how it’s best to move on when dealing with someone who is a jerk which makes you a better person.

In this case, Steven’s hated towards Kevin overwhelms Stevonnie which caused them to become unfused but Connie helped him by asking him if beating Kevin the race is actually worth it, realizing that his resentment for Kevin is getting in the way of him and needs to let it go. As a result, they both refuses and focus on enjoying the race. They were a good sport when Kevin wins, much to his bewilderment.  

It’s good that we have media that inspire hearts with inspiring messages like that and for my case, this helps me remind me to not to let other people’s opinions get to me and to move on from them as I would end up wasting my life getting down by them without them doing anything which isn't worth it. Stevonnie would represent me with the toxic fandom represent Kevin (not the ones who are supportive or reasonable of course) and Steven’s hated of Kevin represent my feeling about the Pokemon fandom. So by letting go out my concerns and resentment of the Pokemon fandom, I can enjoy Pokemon Sword and Shield and be a better person by again not letting them get to me and respect their opinions, just like Stevonnie on how they were able to enjoy the race without Kevin getting to them.

So hopefully, this will help me to move on from the toxic fandom and not getting in the way of my optimism for Pokemon Sword and Shield, again looking forward on what it will have to offer. And as I’ve said, I’ll be ok with the Dexit situation, using what I can use and trying out the new Pokemon while waiting for those missing Pokemon to be available, by patches, future games or any means (as well as Mega Evolution and Z-Moves though funnily enough, Dynamax/Gigatamax forms is like a combination of the two). Should I ever want to use these Pokemon, then I can use Smogon’s Pokemon Showdown which is said to include the missing National Dex Pokemon (I could even use it to try their CAP Pokemon).

I hope this have helped to inspire you. Let’s not lose our way regarding to Dexit and don’t let the toxic fandom get you down while being polite and constructive to Game Freak as you voice your opinion and look forward to a brand new generation of Pokemon.

On a brighter note, I am excited to try many new features for Pokemon Sword and Shield including Dynamax, Max Raid Battles, over world Pokemon and its stunning graphics and many of the Pokemon shown at this time of writing are pretty good. The ones I like the best so far includes Corviknight, Alcremie (especially its Gigatamix Form), Duraludon and Obstagoon (amazing on how there’s Galar Region Pokemon which have Pokemon outside of Gen One unlike Alola Forms and how they can evolve further) as well as for the pre-evolution side; Scorbunny, Sobble, Wooloo, Gossifleur and Rolycoly. The two legendaries Zacian and Zamazenta are awesome too.

Edit: This is me writing two months after this blog have been published with only a month before Sword and Shield is released. Just wanted to mention that other 8th gen Pokemon that have been revealed as of late includes Sirfetch'd and Galarain form of Ponyta as well as Gigatamax forms of Pikachu, Eevee and Charizard. 

I've also wanted to give a shout out to this other Pokemon web creator who also have a rationalized opinion on the National Dex removal who I've recently subscribed on Youtube is BirdKeeper Toby (who is disappointed yet still optimistic about Sword and Shield). He have a positive attitude and have said that there are more people looking forward to Sword and Shield according to this poll he have created about people's thoughts about Pokemon as discussed in this video below (which is interesting to find out about):